This columnist has come to realize that quoting from any portion of legislation has the potential to devastate one’s word count with extreme prejudice. In addition, this writer has developed a strong empathy for those who approach the workings of Augusta with a look of wild-eyed terror. A simple shy glance at the legal papyri that liberals pass with indifferent regularity is enough to scare the proverbial “legislation” out of anybody.

Rural Maine faces a perfect storm, if you will, of liberal forces converging upon it with one singular purpose in mind; a cleansing of all traces of human industry in the Northeast regions. They wish to create a “wildland”. No roads. No homes. No people.

Why Maine? Simply put, Maine offers the easiest legislative road to success. It’s called a joint committee. It’s not for medicinal purposes either. This committee system was designed to “streamline” the legislative process. Anyone who has studied government at any length will come to a quick realization that “streamlined legislation” is about as appealing as a large pregnant bovine with a bad case of diarrhea.

Our founding fathers knew the worst thing for a society was an “efficient” government. They did not want government to be a well oiled machine. So they installed checks and balances. Things like separate committees for separate Houses. This would insure that the minority would still have a way to stall bad legislation. But our liberal friends in Augusta also knew this would inhibit legislation. They wanted an “efficient” government to speed the process of legislation.

So Augusta instituted the joint committee system. One committee for both Houses and all legislation. Since then, Enviro-leftist have passed a slew of leftwing zealot environmentalist “streamlined legislation”. A visit to the DEP website will reveal a never ending list of such “streamlined legislation” most of which has been repealed because they stink so bad.

In last weeks column we examined the fact that the ambiguous MNRPA has been a breeding ground for a never ending compounding legislation. Take for instance, Maine’s Significant Vernal Pool legislation. Now this is “streamlined legislation” if ever one has been smelt. Vernal pools are defined as “ephemeral pools that fill with spring rain water and generally dry by summer’s end”. At least that’s one definition. To this simple hick from the sticks, that sounds like nice fancy way to say mud puddle.

Heaven forbid a expectant frog, who couldn’t make the birthing pond down the way, stops at a mud puddle in your dooryard and in her last throes of labor deposit’s a gelatos mound of “endangered” tadpoles in your mud puddle. You, friend, have just had your mud puddle elevated to “significant”, your dooryard is now a “fragile habitat”, and….DEP wants your land….to protect those defenseless tadpoles. See how it works. No, we didn’t see. That is the problem.

All over this State, under the guise of environmental protection, the government is taking private land in the name of a bug, frog, or salamander. The biggest travesty is that we are letting them.

Professor Jon Reisman has studied this issue relentlessly and has much to say about it. In a speech in Albany, N.Y., Reisman addressed the Property Rights Foundation of America. He chillingly predicts that within 20 years rural eastern Maine to be a “wildland” with no people, roads, or economic activity. While his prediction is startling to be sure, it is not without merit. We see even Republican Snowe and Collins supporting these liberal initiatives to create a Northeast Wildland.

Liberals claim this Vernal Pool legislation will create jobs. It seems to this writer that standing around a mud puddle performing a rain dance in a desperate plea for a job extension is somewhat tenuous at best. It’s sure not what a Mainer would call job security.

The Vernal pool campers want more and stricter legislation on vernal pools citing the need to address the different sizes of vernal pools. Like we didn’t know that mud puddles come in different sizes. These “studies” are done through government grants, of course…..taxpayer funded government grants….of course. Seems that by studying vernal pools they are able to learn about the struggles of urbanization …..yeah boy?!……What the……?!…..What in the…..?! People….can anybody say corruption!!!

Well, I’ve had it!! If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I’ve decided to apply for a government grant….to study moose drool. Why? Do I need a reason? Well, it’s to better understand the mind of a terrorist….oh, oops,…sorry, can’t say that word.