Mustard, Cheese and Nil, if You Will

Mustard, Cheese and Nil, If You Will


With his title of most obscure and least effective legislator firmly credentialed and framed on the wall, Mike Michaud now embarks on his latest campaign for re-election dragging Nancy Pelosi’s leash, with complimentary buzz collar, around the Second District.  Yes, Pelosi’s Puppy is back.  And he wants your vote.  Did we miss him?  We didn’t know he was gone or that he has returned, so what’s to miss?  While Maine’s own cowering canine has spent his last term curled in Nancy’s cold kennel, we’ve all been wondering what he’s been doing, or…maybe….not.  With nary a yelp from the lift-driving whelp, we’ve all probably forgotten whether he’s come or gone.  But with the election season upon us, he has been released from Pelosi’s Pound to complete the task of re-securing his comfy spot right beneath Nancy’s heel.  Let’s call it a sort of work release program.  He must perform the delicate task of campaigning in such a manner as to say nothing, do nothing and reveal nothing that could jeopardize his chance for re-election; in other words, just do what he has done all along, to which nothing is quite sure or definitive.  This has been the pattern he has employed that has sent him wagging back to that place of security, where he knows his place quiet and safe with Pelosi’s stiletto firmly implanted in his back.  Perhaps, he can scratch an itch or two if he moves discreetly and keeps the noise down.

Beneath the radar, a phrase in serious consideration for the title of Michaud’s memoir, the Representative of Maine’s Second District has managed to secure for himself an SUV at the taxpayer’s expense.  It seems a six-figure salary is not nearly enough to pay for a vehicle to drive to the kennel each day.  His dominating mistress must have assured him, to his piddling delight, that the hard working voters of Maine’s rural economies would understand his plight.  Central and Northern Maine is just inundated with persons with six figure salaries that can’t afford a car.  We understand, we empathize, little poochy; it’s a long way to Washington from the forklift.

And there’s our military.  Michaud is one of select cuddly few in Pelosi’s Pound who, despite their claims of support for the military, have voted, with an obligatory surge of electricity through their shock collars, to bury the knife of spending cuts squarely into the backs of our military.  This was easy to do for Maine’s happy hound because our soldiers had their back to the legislators, otherwise engaged and preoccupied in battle protecting the very system that, under Nancy Pelosi and with help from Mike Michaud, betrayed them while they fought for us all.

Mike Michaud recently addressed the Maine Democrat Convention.  Speaking to the throngs of….a couple…of hundred…huddled together on convention floor, Maine’s Arbitrator of Nil scratched at his collar, jingled his leash and then made a surprising attempt at comedic mastery.  He suggested that Kevin Raye, his newly minted opponent, doesn’t think Michaud “cuts the mustard”.  That’s funny because Kevin Raye owns a business that makes mustard, so he’s saying that Raye doesn’t think….he…cuts….the…ahhhhkay… moving on.  Listening to the deafening silence coming from the desk of U.S Representative Mike Michaud, it would seem that not only doesn’t he cut the mustard but he lacks the initiative to even cut the cheese, which is ironic when most liberal politicians perform this legislative act with all the regularity of a limburger factory.   It would seem that it is best for the Second District to elect someone that would actually represent the Second District.  This is not Mike Michaud.  It is time for Pelosi’s Puppy to come home to stay.

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