Like moths to a flame they come, dragged involuntarily to their own destruction.  A little melodramatic, I know, but it seems to be the claim of my latest antagonist on the SV Weekly website.  It seems that my column on Eliot Cutler angered a few former members of the Carter administration… for shame.  I think they may have given me more credit then I deserve.  Mr. Les Francis claimed that he really didn’t want to attack me, but just couldn’t help himself.  Am I to understand that my column has raised such a fuss that even Carter liberals are coming out of hiding drawn by a magnanimous magneto so powerful it pulls them, unwilling, beseeching mercy into the blazing inferno of my conservative combustion?  Wow, that was way over the top, wasn’t it?  I’ll stop that now.

The Conservatives call me Andy Torment.  The Liberals call me the Cobra.  Mr. Francis came up with some other names and even some insults.  First, he said that I live in a cave.  How original!!!  Actually, to tell you the truth, I thought it was common knowledge that all young Conservatives that live in Atkinson have to live in caves.  It’s a rule.  I like mine it’s pretty nifty.  Me and my hot cave girl have made it a home.  We’ve just added running water.  Our cave kids run for it…bonus.  He said I was snarky, which sounds kind of …snarky…to me.  Somehow, I ended up being perverted, which is to be expected, because everyone knows you can’t criticize a Liberal without being perverted.  Mr. Francis forgot to call me racist though, unless of course, he’s leaving that for Jimmy Carter to say.   My favorite was provocateur.  Doesn’t that just roll off the tongue?  Provocateur…wow…say it with a French accent.  It sounds even better.  How about Andy Torment the Provocateur Cobra, or should it be Andy Torment the Cobra Provocateur?  Let me know which is better.  Either at the SV Weekly website or at my website www.meconservativevoice.wordpress.com.

Humor aside, there is a serious reason that I am responding to Mr. Francis and Mr. Billings.  They insulted my readers.  Mr. Francis of the Carter administration and close friend of Eliot Cutler called the readers of my column, “hormone addled 9^th graders.”  Those are his exact words.  This “long time friend and colleague,” of Eliot Cutler needs to know that my readers are made up of the type of people that make this country great and keep Liberal policies from crushing this great nation.  When I have had the honor to speak publicly, I am so humbled to have war veterans shake my hand and thank me for my column.  These are men, Mr. Francis, that have charged into the jaws of death.  Mothers have shaken my hand.  Yes mothers, who have the courage to take on the greatest responsibility of any great civilization, raising and nurturing the next generation.   These sir, are not teenagers confused by raging hormones.  These people, who, yes, read my column, are great Americans and should be treated as such.   Eliot and Cutler and his associates should apologize to my readers.  I demand it.  I don’t think the 9^th graders like being used so shamefully either.

Mr. Billings thought it necessary to bring my mother into his argument.  How representative of the cowardice of Liberal Democrats, such as Eliot Cutler and his associates.  If you have an argument with me, fine.  My mother should never even be mentioned…ever…at any time.  Mr. Billings, you sir, are a coward.

Mr. Francis claims he cannot help himself, but he has.  He, Eliot Cutler and all the Democrats have helped themselves to the hard-earned wages and liberties of honest Americans throughout the United States and especially here in Maine.  The environmental bondage Eliot Cutler and his cohorts helped to enact has destroyed business, driven jobs out of Maine and stolen the rights of private land owners, bought and paid for with the blood of our forefathers.

You can read more of my response to Mr. Cutler’s friends at http://www.svweekly.com.  Type the word “mess” into the search bar and the column will come up from the archives.  We are in a Conservative revolution and having a blast.

The year was 1976 and the country was still feeling the effects of a scandal in the Nixon administration.  A relatively unknown and inexperienced candidate emerged to run for President, campaigning on change and bringing a new energy to Washington.  Now… where… have we heard that before?  Anyway, Jimmy Carter won a narrow victory for President, as Gerald Ford could not shake the stigma of Watergate.

As President elect Carter stood waiving and blinding the masses with his brilliant tooth grin, the engines of his mind clanked and clunked untethered inside the empty cavern of his skull.  Thought of the future of his administration confronted the grinning executive, but undaunted, Jimmy just kept grinning.  The President-elect faced huge tasks, seemingly insurmountable.  Inflation was only at 5% and the economy was growing moderately.  Who could he find that could help drive inflation into the double digits and completely squash economic growth? Ah, there was such a man.  As the newly elected leader of the free world (not Brussels, Joe) gazed out across the countryside, the reflection of his brilliant teeth blazing a charred swath in the greenery in front of him, he noticed citizens driving to and from neighborhood filling stations unchecked without any apparent obstacles.  Who could the gaping newest resident of the White House find that could help him create long lines for those gas stations, backing them up for miles along the roads?  Yes, there was a man available.

President Carter needed a special someone to give him what every Democrat leader desperately hopes for when the nation teeters on the brink of disaster; someone to kick the thing over the cliff and create one big mess.  That knight of collective debacle, that champion of gross mismanagement was none other than the State of Maine’s very own Eliot Cutler.  It seems when you look deeper at the many policy failures of the Carter administration you find the guy behind the scenes helping to orchestrate this symphony of the discordant musicians or maybe it was the ballet clubfoot, but anyway, the guy was Eliot Mess, I mean, Cutler.

Eliot Mess, I mean, Cutler, I’m sorry did I do that again?  You know for the sake of my sanity… yes, I do… I do try and maintain my sanity, thank you very much!  For the sake of my sanity, lets just call him Eliot Mess, as his policies are the flaming epitome of all things liberal: one big pile of mess.

Eliot Mess was the primary architect of the Clean Water Act with Ed Muskie, which was right after, or sometime after he helped create a magazine which has always been the bastion of the Liberal thought process; National lampoon.  The Clean Water Act, as with many Liberal endeavors, was so ambiguous that it left many opportunities to further add more and more bureaucracies.  Until we have reached the point that the CWA website is advocating “holistic policies” for the cleaning of water.  Soon, they’ll want us all to gather ‘round the river, not to pray, but to hum.

Now, you might think this columnist is being a little harsh calling him that Mess name.  I know, I’m doing the “cobra” thing again.  Perhaps a list of the departments this man oversaw the policies for may help to explain the dubious moniker that has been affixed to said, Eliot Cutler.

Mr. Mess was the director of policy for the Department of Energy.  Yah, remember the long gas lines?  Wasn’t that crazy fun? That was Eliot Cutler.  Yup, I probably could stop right here… but… I won’t, ‘cause there is more.  He was the Director of Policy for the Department of Natural Resources.  You know, the whole “this land is our land”, but not really anymore because it’s government land to protect those natural resources from you horrible land owners that want to use your land for your own personal gain because you own it… thing.  I think that was a blatant run on sentence.  Oh, am I going to hear it from Professor Frary.  I haven’t even mentioned yet that he oversaw policy for the Environmental Protection Agency.  How has that little organization worked out for the State of Maine?  Can anyone say no business?  No jobs?

Much of the left-wing policy mandates that hamper the growth of our state were implemented nationally during the Carter administration and Eliot Mess Cutler was the overseer of those debacles.  He is wrapped in the failure of Liberalism.  He was there for every failure of the Carter administration. Eliot Mess will try to paint himself differently to the voters, but the glare of Jimmy Carter’s grin will shine through.

Here is my Speech from The Tea Party:

There is cause for celebration in Maine.  There is cause for us to hope.  We have won a great victory for our beloved State.  Against all odds, we the voters have put a strong Conservative on the ballot for Governor and have sent an emphatic message to Augusta that we the people have had enough.  It is important to acknowledge that, while Paul Lepage and Jason Levesque can be a catalyst to a Conservative Revolution, it is we, the voting public, who are the army that can bring this Revolution to a complete victory in November.

In a war of ideals, every victory celebration is tempered by the knowledge that another battle looms upon the horizon.  Brothers and Sisters, our enemy’s only hope to defeat us is to divide us.  In the days and months to come, the liberals will hurl every insult they can devise.  They will characterize Conservatives as those who lack intelligence.  They will try to depict those of us who are working to bring a better future for our children as somehow lacking compassion.  The Democrats will try once again to convince us that passing our debts on to our children and grandchildren is a far better expression of compassion.  Our enemies will try to divert our attention from our goal by twisting the words of our candidates, hoping we will chase down every rabbit trail these socialist “uncover”.  But what our opponents don’t realize is that Mainers have one natural resource that cannot be taxed and depleted.  That resource is common sense.  We can see through these tactics.

Fellow Mainers, my call to you today is simply this: Stay Unified!  We cannot be defeated if we will link our arms and move towards a singular goal.  We hold in our hands an opportunity to give back to our children what Augusta and Washington has stolen from them.  The task falls to us, for their sake, to remain dogged and unshakeable in our determination to bring our leadership back to an accounting with the people.

They have underestimated our resolve.  They have mocked our strength.  Our opponents have said a true Conservative is easy to beat.  Blinded by their arrogance, these people have lost touch with Maine.  In November, there will be a reckoning.  Liberals in Augusta will find out what happens when you ignore angry Mainiacs.

Finally, my friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, and I were discussing a story that has been passed down through the years here in Piscataquis County.  It’s the story of the Sebec Boys.  It is said that several young farm boys desired to go fight for the North in the Civil War.  Their families were so poor that some did not own a horse and others could not spare a horse.  Undaunted, these boys set out on foot from the shores of the Sebec.  They marched all the way to Bangor where they met up with a guy named Joshua Chamberlain and helped form the 20^th of Maine.  Those boys were with Chamberlain on that fateful day on Little Round Top.

Can I suggest to you today that perhaps the reason Chamberlain could issue his famous order was because he knew his regiment was filled with Mainers?  Furthermore, can I propose that he knew he had men from Central Maine and Piscataquis County under his command?  I suspect he realized the mettle of his men when he saw the Sebec Boys march into camp in Bangor after a long tiring march from Sebec.  It was with this understanding that he could give that famous order to one of the most storied charges in Civil War history.

We stand here amidst the smoke of history past to be judged by their example.  The spirit of the Sebec Boys is still part of the fabric of Maine.  The obvious metaphor confronts us.  We have had our resources depleted by those in Augusta that oppose us.  We must draw a line in the sand and say thus far and no further.  I call on Mainers throughout this State and those here today to stand shoulder-to-shoulder unwavering and answer the call from the ghosts of our history to “Fix Bayonets”!  Let’s make one last stand for our State.  One last stand for our children.  Let’s go to work with Paul LePage and together we can Set Maine Free!